Women:

  1. Pull up to any Halfords Service Centre when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
  2. Drink a cup of coffee and read an old copy of Vogue.
  3. 15 minutes later, pay via mobile phone and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:

  1. Go to Halfords and spend £50.00 for oil, filter, oil lift (kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
  2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to Halfords to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
  3. Open a beer and drink it.
  4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
  5. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
  6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
  7. Place drain pan under engine.
  8. Look for 14 mm box end wrench.
  9. Give up and use adjustable wrench.
  10. Unscrew drain plug.
  11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
  12. Clean up.
  13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
  14. Look for oil filter wrench.
  15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
  16. Beer.
  17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
  18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
  19. Throw oil lift (kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
  20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
  21. Walk to Bargain Booze; buy beer.
  22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
  23. Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.
  24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
  25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
  26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole litre of fresh oil drains onto floor.
  27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
  28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
  29. Begin swearing fit.
  30. Throw wrench.
  31. Swear for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December.
  32. Clean up; apply plaster to knuckle.
  33. Beer.
  34. Beer.
  35. Dump in additional 4 litres of oil.
  36. Beer.
  37. Lower car from jack stands.
  38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
  39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
  40. Drive car.